Black Fathers: The Heavy Weight On Their Minds

“Dad changed the world,” said a proud six-year-old Gianna, the youngest daughter of George Floyd, the Houston man who was killed by a former Minnesota police officer after he put his knee on the neck of Floyd for 8 minutes and 46 seconds. Most children are like Gianna in putting their dads on pedestals believing that they are fearless, strong, and will protect them at all cost. However, in the eyes of America, Black fathers are viewed in a different light making them have a bad wrap.

Judge by the color of their skin, Black men are looked at as being associated with drugs, gun violence, and incarceration. Black fathers have those stereotypes placed on them in addition to negative portrayals of having children out of wedlock with multiple baby mamas, not paying child support, and not being engaged in the lives of their children. Although some Black fathers can check these boxes but to categorize all of them collectively like this is totally wrong. There are plenty of Black dads who are present changing diapers, reading bedtime stories, helping with homework, and cheering on their offspring at every stage of life. Applause is not needed or required for these dads who cherish the responsibility of being a father. It is just what all good men do when they are blessed with that precious gift from above. However, many of them are being robbed of the opportunity to be a father. Losing their lives at an alarming rate by the very hands that are meant to protect them, law enforcement. Black fathers are being murdered all in the name of ugliest word in the dictionary, racism.

Floyd, by the accounts of his family, was a good man and a good dad. The father of five was a vivid presence in each of the lives of his children as well as a mentor to many others. In fact, he was callously killed in a city that he relocated to just to find better opportunities to provide for his family. Now his children are suffering. Floyd won’t be there to walk his daughters down the aisle, see his son become a man, or cheer them on at every stage of life. Black fathers are terrified that they too will be another George Floyd. Every day that they leave their home they know there is a possibility that they might not return leaving their children fatherless. That thought is terrifying for Black fathers and constantly weighs heavy on their mind.

Antonio Scott, father of four (Amber 19, Kiara 14, Amanda 10, and Antonio Jr. 9), sighs just thinking about how difficult it is to be a father right now. “I worry about my kids as they go to school or just try to hang out with their friends. Can they go to the store without being profiled as shoplifters or ride in the car with more than two people without getting pulled over?” said a concerned Scott. “It just means I have to make sure they know I’m here to be their confidant, positive black role model, their shoulder to lean or cry on and for them to know that dad will always have their back.”

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Mahcoe Mikel with his daughters

Navigating those same difficulties is Mahcoe Mikel, father of three daughters (Brooklyn 10, Irelynd 7, and Scotlynd 4), who doesn’t take the role of father lightly. “Being a father now, means navigating through uncertainties, and adapting to sudden changes. All while possessing the resilience to recover quickly and stay the course when you are unsure where it leads. Along the way, you may suffer unimaginable losses, and you may even want to give up and go back the other way. Nonetheless, being a father in times of trauma means that you will learn to depend on your family just as much as they depend on you,” he said.

Children depend on their fathers. Research has proven that children who have the influence of a father are more likely to avoid the negative pitfalls of life and become successful. Loving every aspect of his daughters being allows them to be led to Godly possibilities according to Mikel.

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Ron Ryans

Father of three, (Olivia 14, Gabrielle 12, and Gavin 5) Ron Ryans, echoes that sentiment by saying the role of a father is to prepare children by having those tough, realistic conversations so they are ready for anything. Once they are prepared for life, Scott knows for children to really soar they need to know about money and how to invest and grow it. Investing into the college future of his young leaders and teaching them how to manage money and invest in the stock market are tops on his parenting list.

Children today face an obscene amount of challenges on a daily. An advocate for them is needed and required. Black fathers don’t always have the answers but they do the best that can. Sometimes giving their best while trying to fill the roles of both a father and a mother, a strain that Ryans feels with his children. Even though he co-parents with his children’s mother situations come up where two are better than one but only one is available.

No matter the situations Black fathers have accepted fatherhood and all it brings. Every day they strive just to make a difference in the life of their children. Each morning they awake wanting their children to have a better life than they had.

“Hard work pays off one way or another. When you put in the time and work, one might not see it right then but eventually someone will notice and it will not be forgotten,” said Ryans.

“I raised them all the same with the same principles. Hard work and prayer pays off,” said Scott, who instills the lesson of knowing the difference between children’s wants and needs.

Providing their children’s needs and their wants fills any father with pride. The greatest joy to their children is the lasting legacy that they will leave that lives with them far beyond their years.

Mikel hopes to leave an impression on his girls so they can do more and go further. “One aspect of legacy that I strive to leave them is a world of possibilities to pray big and dream big; to live responsibly and share the blessings along the way.”

Scott wants his legacy to his crew to be generational wealth. “I would also like to leave them with financial security and knowledge to keep it going through generations to come,” he said. Dropping nuggets of being respectful and knowing nothing in life comes quick and easy are other jewels Scott deposits in his kids.

Being a father is a hard job with rewarding benefits. And the fact that God chose him to be “Daddy” to his girls keeps a smile on the face of Mikel. A smile stays on the face of Ryans making him happy every time he can provide his children’s essentials and desires. But fatherhood is more than just buying things. To help future and current fathers, Mikel, and Ryans offer some advice.

Remember to not just be present but be involved while present advices Ryans. “Cherish all the moments even if it’s simple.” So put down the cell phone, cut off the TV, and rearrange your schedule to make sure you don’t miss a thing.

Mikel gives some tried and true advice that was passed on to him from his own father. Kids have a lot of questions and dad doesn’t always have the answers. “So show them how to handle being wrong and how to overcome failure. Show them your willingness to learn and keep improving,” said Mikel. Don’t keep kids in a box. Expand their perspective. “Give them an appreciation for different cultures, the arts and for trying new things,” commented Mikel. Make them believe that with work anything is possible. “Do not let fear keep you from instilling in them the pursuit of greatness.”

Being a father is not for the weak. “It is a very difficult and challenging yet rewarding experience,” said Scott but one he wouldn’t nor would any father trade for the world.

Houston Style Magazine wishes a very Happy Father’s Day to Antonio Scott, Mahcoe Mikel, Ron Ryans, and all fathers everywhere including publisher Francis Page. Jr.!