“The faster you move, the less pain you endure,” is something seventeen-year-old Ashley Jadine Duncan posted on social media. Looking deeper into that statement and one can see the truth behind it. In today’s society everyone is moving so fast and in so many directions not only do you endure less pain but also you don’t feel, touch, hear or see it either. It is like the world has on blinders. When all have their shades on no one can see the masks everyone is wearing to hide their own pain. If no one sees the pain, then no one can help those who are hurting. The cries go unseen, unheard, and unnoticed.

On the outside, the world would view Duncan as a typical teen. Her days are so full of life with lots of friends, school activities, and successes in the classroom. She is socially engaged so her phone is always glued to her hands. As long as she is smiling and happy she is good, right? Look closer at that pic on IG. Pay attention to what she says on Twitter. Don’t just mindlessly click “like.”

Mindless clicking must have been what people did when they looked as Duncan’s social footprint. Among her posts of “It’s like God is torturing me by keeping me here,” and “One bullet. One gun. One death,” people just retweeted or hearted her cries for help. Family, friends, no one seemed to have any idea of how much pain Duncan was in.

Her family knew an issue existed so they sought counseling, hospitalization and even prescribed drugs for temporary fixes. However, the initial root of the pain never went away. It would resurface. Her cries for help would get louder. She would grow more tired of dealing with it all and finally said enough.

“I finally got a gun”

Duncan tweeted that sentence on January 30, 2012. One hundred sixty-five people retweeted it and fifty-one people marked it as a favorite post. But not one person thought to call her or the authorities. Moments after that post Duncan would take that very gun, put it in her mouth, pull the trigger and end all the pain.

In her suicide note, Duncan revealed that she had thoughts of killing herself since third grade. For years she thought that she had failed herself and was not good enough. She believed her life was not worth living so she ended it.

Far too many children have committed suicide and even more, have thought about it. Suicide is the second leading cause of death for people ages 10-34. According to records, more than 3,000 suicide attempts were made by children in the 9th-12th grades in 2016. Forty-five thousand people ages 10 and up were successful in 2016 at taking their own life. Those stats have to decrease to save the lives of our children. During National Suicide Prevention Month, commit to raising awareness through education and advocacy to save someone’s life.

Cheryl Duncan was drafted to be the voice for who have committed suicide and the voice of those who decided against it. She is the mother of Ashley Jadine Duncan. In her daughter’s memory, Cheryl started the Ashley Jadine Duncan Foundation to ignite a sense of hope in those who are experiencing hopeless. Cheryl’s life has been touched by suicide twice. Seventeen years before her daughter took her own life, her sister did the same. In the years between the two suicides, Cheryl said she kept quiet but no more.

By starting the foundation Cheryl is using her tragedies to reduce the rate of suicides by shining a light of hope into the lives of those affected by depression and other issues. She makes a difference through education, advocacy and bringing awareness to the issue. Her message is hold on, there’s hope – Hold On Pain Ends.

Through the foundation, Cheryl educates teens as well as parents by encouraging communication with real talk (less texting) and stressing the need for professional help. “It is such a stigma about mental illness. I want to stop the stigma, the shame, and the silence.” With more communication, Cheryl believes one can get to the root cause of the pain that affects those suffering from mental illness. Stop the pain. Stop suicide ideation.

“Sometimes you have things that have happen to you that has caused you to suppress it (the pain),” said Cheryl. But families and communities can’t sweep pain under the rug. They must face it head on and do all in their power to deal with it together.

Understanding the depth of the pain

Something Ashley posted about often was how life wasn’t worth living through all the pain. Family nurse practitioner with a specialty in pediatrics Cashoyna Tillis said understanding the depth of one’s pain is key to getting them the help that they need. In her interactions with children who are contemplating suicide, their parents know there is an issue but are not too keen on how deep it lies.

Tillis advises for parents to pay attention to how their child is acting. Is she/he crying a lot? Has he/she stopped communicating with friends and family? Are they harming themselves? Did their eating habits change? In her practice of nursing, Tillis finds that adolescent depression is usually associated with social issues like being bullied, feeling isolated, not having good thoughts about themselves. “Words from other people have a stronger impact when kids hit the adolescent phase,” stated Tillis.

Since actions and words can make children really sensitive about their feelings and they view themselves, Tillis will remind children dealing with depression and suicide about their purpose in life. “I like to let kids know they were created by God for a purpose and whatever it is that is going on that they can work through it.” In addition, she tries to make sure that the children have a strong support system on which they can lean to start a dialogue about how they feel and encourages them to pray.

What more could I have done?

Any time any comment is made by a child about suicide take it seriously and followed up with a mental health professional. If not, you may be left like the family and friends of Ashley questioning themselves about what more could they have done to help.

Children and parents in general just need to be real honest with themselves and their feelings. They have to learn how to accept themselves and love their being. Tillis advises parents to help children work through their problems so they won’t think of ways out of their problems (like suicide ideation).

In the days after Ashley’s death, Cheryl asked what more could she have done to help her child. Today, she answers that question by helping others to not have a tragic end like Ashley. “We have to be aware. We have to find someone we can trust to talk to. The schools have to be more open with the counselors and psychologists.” She continued, “We need some kind of health and wellness ministry in the churches.”

Suicide is a permanent end to a temporary problem. And though the pain of the one suffering from mental illness ends when suicide is committed. The pain begins for those who love and cherish that person. Suicide prevention starts with you. Pledge to be more aware this September.